They came, I swore, they concurred

Well, thanks for tuning in folks, to the latest installment of the unfolding drama of South Africa’s crime epidemic, following on the previous episode  as recounted in:

There, you will remember, two people scaled our spiked gates to get at who-knows-what. Yesterday, at about eight thirtyish, our gate bell rang. I looked out the window to see a hooded figure holding a dog leash, to which was attached a Boomer-type fluffy hound. The figure reminded me of something out of The Ring, that truly Scary Movie. Be that as it may, the figure identifed herslef as Linda, the lady who lives behind us. For all I know, this could have been a fabrication, seeing as how people in Pinelands are not prone to such indiscretions as neighbourliness. Perhaps her intention was more sinister, to draw me out into the open.

She proceeded to tell me that she had seen two young men, and she emphasised this as if it meant something else, ‘two young men…’ (I was trying to figure out the code even as she finished her sentence) ‘…jumping over your fence’. Hello! here we go again, over the spikes as if it were an Olympic wanna-be paraplegic event. I wanted to congratulate them. However, the resident fear of bullets and various viruses doing the rounds, forbade such an interaction. I must admit I called the wrong alarm company. Luckily someone else called the right people.

I went upstairs to get my night stick, just in case, you know…While there, I called out sweetly to them: “…Get the F%^#@ off my property, before I f%^** your f%$#*&! &^**&…”, amongst a string of other injunctions and invective. They obliged, hence the title of this blog.

The alarm company got there pretty smartly, and I bravely went round with them. The paraplegic wanna-bees had rifled through the contents of my large German sedan that had its windows open, fortunately I suppose. They neglected the other German courtesy car parked behind, which contained my laptop and important documents.

They left behind a trail of those sticky-things-you-put-your-motor-vehicle-licence on, leading up to the gate, where they had leapt again, this time out onto the road. When the police arrived some twenty minutes later, they scratched around, shining their torches, saying they would keep an eye out and if they found anyone lurking suspicious they would try to match them to fingerprints staining my car.

I told the police officers to please introduce me to anyone they might come across. The one officer then started laughing, saying he remembered what happened the last time. He said the Man in the Van was in fact, innocent.

Well, at least Noah supported me: this morning, after being told how his fierce father had scared off the ‘smugglers’, he looked all big-eyed at me when I said goodbye to go to work, and said: “I love you more than the whole world.”


2 Responses to “They came, I swore, they concurred”

  1. benbrink Says:

    This is scary stuff Rodney

  2. the1rod Says:

    This is just the tip of the iceberg. People close to me have suffered much worse experiences in the past weeks. I am embarking on an ambitious project to model crime, in the tradition of economic modelling. God knows if I’ll be able to get access to the required data, as the authorities keep crime stats pretty close to their bullet-proofed chests around here.

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